Day Four

I went outside.

Into the real world. Well, I went out to the cosmetics section of my local department store where I work. And they all really liked my look. Admittedly this is a group of women who live in panto makeup; clearly the pricey look is not one that fills everyone with horror. ‘You need a bit more bronzer, really’ said one particularly puce lady on Mac. More? Really.

On my short sojourn I did get eyed up. By a man wearing a back-to-front baseball cap and sportswear. Superb, the only time I’ve been up checked out in the past month and it’s by a lord high chav.

The outfit did at least inspire some critique. In case you are wondering, the skirt is my sisters and the classic 8 inches ‘not too short, not to long’ according to the great lady. The ‘kiss me’ tee is appropriately crass, topped of with a diamante encrusted grey velour hoody. My mother is going to get an earful for the shit she is letting my sister wader around in it’s tight, tarty and crass. 

In the evening I engaged with my inner ‘yummy mummy’ by taking me little sister on a Halloween night at my local farm which was great as LOADS of people were in fancy dress and with my green witch next to me I just looked like an enthusiastic sibling. In fact in one queue I was positively underdressed. Apparently some people think lemon stilettos are re rigeur for queuing in a field. And they had more diamante on than me. I felt rather ashamed of myself. Although I did discover that my hair piece is a weapon of war- seductive flicking results in a sold mass of polyester hitting the next person in the face (no, I didn’t know them) but the rebound mean I got a hit too. Classy.